Eff cancer.

I've realized lately that I'm a grown-up now. How do I know this? I've begun feeling genuine, crying-for-another-person empathy. When I was a kid and something sad was happening, it was "oh, I'm sorry. That sucks. How sad!" Then I'd go about my life. But now I get engrossed in other peoples' cruddy situations.

I have a coworker (M) who is more than twice my age and she's awesome. She's so sassy and smart. And she and I talk crap about customers behind their backs. She's how I imagine myself to be when I'm near retirement age. Or she's how I HOPE to be when I'm near retirement age. She's awesome. But her so sweet, kind, caring, cool guy husband was diagnosed with cancer. It started with a trip to the doctor for a sore throat which turned into a diagnosis of squamous-cell carcinoma of the throat, which has now turned into metastatic cancer that's spread to his liver. I'm so amazingly sad for them. He's not a spring chicken, as they say, so the chemotherapy is going to be rough. Another dear friend (P) of my coworker came in today and was told the news, and she immediately sprung into action of "everything will be okay, what can I do to help? I'll bring him in for treatment, I'll help you make a bed for him in the lower floor of your house so he doesn't have to climb stairs. We'll all help you both get through this." I lost it. She was verbalizing everything I was thinking. Yes, I'm older than I used to be, but I still have trouble saying the right thing when faced with a situation like this. And I didn't want to accidentally say the wrong thing, or the insensitive thing, or the stupid thing. So I cried and told M that P had said everything I wanted to. Eff cancer.

Cancer has taken my three grandfathers, and it almost took one of my two grandmothers several years ago. Cancer is ridiculous. If cancer was a person, it would be a coward. A coward that takes the very young and the elderly alike. It beats down professional athletes and babies. Mothers and fathers. The rich and the poor. It is indiscriminate.

I don't know. Cancer sucks. And it scares the crap out of me.