I had this idea for a blog post, and the fact that I haven't posted since March plays into it pretty well.
I'm 27 now. That means I'm almost 30. Which means I'm just about past my prime. And what I mean by that is that there are a lot of things I feel like I am supposed to be doing or have done by now.
BABIES!
Everywhere I turn, people are having second babies. Girls in my Mom group, my sister, my sister-in-law, other moms at Jack's daycare. When I was growing up, I never gave much thought to marriage and babies, other than "I'm totally gonna have like, a thousand of Johnny Depp's babies! OMG!" I wasn't one of those girls who had her wedding planned out, and all of her future childrens' names picked by the time I turned 15. It just wasn't something I was terribly worried about.
Then I met Dan. Once we started talking marriage, he started talking babies. He's always had this goal of being an awesome dad, and wanted to get that ball rolling quickly. When we got married, he was 26, so he was feeling the "pushing 30" pressure. I was only 24, so I wasn't so much. But we were married in September and I got that positive pregnancy test in November. Okay, I guess we're really doing this.
The first year of Jack's existence SUCKED. I always say no one told me how genuinely hard it is to be a parent. Dealing with a baby is seriously the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. If anyone reading this is pregnant and wants to know what you're in for, or if you just like scary stories that will likely give you nightmares, let me know. I'll tell you all the gory details no one was kind enough to tell me ahead of time.
But now that he's 2 years old, and talking, and he's able to convey to me what he wants and needs, it's awesome. This morning he ran over to me, said "GICKLE MON-TA!" (translation: "tickle monster"), and tickled my foot. He is so silly and so smart, and I can't believe I get the privilege of molding this amazing little person.
So I feel like I'm supposed to want another baby. But I don't know if I do. I've never really second-guessed myself on much of anything, but this one haunts my dreams. I'm scared that once Jack turns 5 and goes to kindergarten full time and isn't wearing diapers anymore, and can fully dress himself, that I'll regret not having another little person to take care of.
But damn, babies are hard. And I really just want to focus everything I have on this one little person and make sure he turns out okay. I just don't know.
COLLEGE!
When I graduated high school, I hadn't applied to any colleges. I never sought help laying out my future from my guidance counselors. I figured my super sweet job at Blockbuster Video would be good enough, and I knew my parents would never kick me out, so... "I'll think about college tomorrow".
Yeah, that turned out well. I did one semester at a community college in Indiana after we moved from Maryland. Then I did about a year's worth at another community college in Ohio after we moved from Indiana. I hated every last second of it. I didn't know anyone here, I still lived at home, the classes were wicked boring (a lot of introductory computer classes, which I was well beyond at that point), and this time, I didn't know I was supposed to seek help from a counselor, so I chose a stupid major.
I dropped out because I had lost focus and I'd already gone through 13 years of school, why would I need another 2 or 4 or even 6? Yuck.
Through several strokes of luck, I now have a good job, without the college education. The pay could be better, but I'm making more than minimum wage, and as long as my awesome programmer of a husband sticks around, our bills are getting paid.
I've been a pharmacy technician for 3 years. It's fun, and interesting, and I learn more about various medications every day. And now that I've been doing this for a while, I find myself saying, "damn, I could have been a pharmacist". Then I would make 6 figures a year and aside from piles of student loans, we would live very comfortably.
But it's my understanding that the market for pharmacists is over saturated right now. It WASN'T, oh, 2 years ago when I would have been graduating from Pharmacy School, had I gone directly out of high school. Nine years ago, I had never even considered working in a pharmacy, so going to pharm school was never even a thought. Plus, I was bad at chemistry, so maybe it wouldn't have been a good fit.
So now I'm considering going back to school (because I feel like I was always supposed to) when Jack starts kindergarten. Something in the medical field. Maybe medical coding & billing, or more pharm tech classes to get hospital certified. Just something else to put on my resume.
Which brings me back to babies. If I have another baby before then, that will push back my theoretical educational goals. ::sigh::
BLOGGING!
Also, I feel like I'm supposed to blog more. I'm part of the Millennial Generation. I'm supposed to be an avid blogger. I mean, I have a tablet and a smart phone and a desktop computer. What's stopping me? Oh yeah, my "fun and interesting" job and my super awesome 2-year old.
This is my life.
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